That added flavor of fear!

Once my teacher in 4th grade asked me, “What are you afraid of?”

After giving it a real thought, I replied ‘My dad’s anger”

She seemed to be disappointed by my answer, so she asked “What else? Something that realy you think would bother you and scare the hell out of you?”

I was like, whatever man, “Monsters!” She got more disappointed and being completely dissatified by my answers, she stopped pushing it any further.

But then, when I was in 8th grade, I happened to ask the same question to myself. What am I afraid of? And the answer came, fear of not trying. Meaning, I am afraid of the thought that someday my spirit would break and would not give a second try or may be I would feel reluctant to try something new. That thought gave me horrors. I dont know how much curious I am about life and its so very nature, but I am pretty sure, that I dont want to miss any part of it. Though its one big implausible task, but atleast I want to do the best I can. It Continue reading That added flavor of fear!



The Matticus Kingdom

Giggles bubble and bounce,
In time with my heart’s pulsing beat,
And the sound echoes from wall to wall,
Like a smile in search of a treat.

Beware the laughter’s pounce,
The toddler seeks to catch you unaware,
And, like an egg, have you fall, you will fall,
But in the joy you will not care.

Contagious chortles will trounce,
All plans for the day laid to waste in a pile,
Of toys, and at least one ball, there’s always a ball,
And the chaos will hit eleven on the dial.

Prepare to give away every ounce,
And then even more, of your time and energy,
When the child starts to call and call,
For all that endless playful reverie.

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Only if there was a little love in your heart for me

I was in office working, when I again started missing her. Yeah give me some idle time and my brain takes me exactly where I don’t want to go. Place where I get insecure and start to panic. Have not heard her voice since some 15 days. She has been too busy….well don’t want to talk all about it. So sitting in office, I heard her saying “Wish we could go away from world, from everyone”. This is what she once said, and I could not resist to stop thinking about it.So I just fired up my laptop and opened Sticky Notes and just started to write, I don’t know what I was about to write. Things just started coming to me, and my fingers started typing, going back and forth, spacing, backspacing, entering…just typing something. And when I was done I realized, I wrote a poem, a short poem. Here goes:
Only if there was a place on earth for us to hide,
I would make there a Paradise for you to be a princess. 
Only if there was running away from mob and others,
I would run to eternity with you.
Only if dying was end of  the life,
I would just die in your arms to live the most in the end.
Only if there was a little love in your heart for me, I would show you how much I would hide, run and die for you to be with me. 
And now, I just felt to post it down, so here I am, writing down listening Ellie’s Love me like you do, a post after long time. Though I did not expected myself to write anymore of blogs, but here I am. May be I hit my break even. Well that’s all. There’s a lot, but I don’t feel like writing anything more. Ciao

I hate to love you

Every next word you read is out of the blue. I thought things were in place till yesterday but one thing changed it all. Thing is I stopped seeing her after I decided to move on over her. It was difficult as hell in the beginning but I got through that phase and things were quite normal for me then. Though I everyday convinced myself that it was over and I am done with her, and for me that worked pretty well. I also managed to communicate the least I could which I maintained for surprisingly long period of time. I was doing good moving on. Keeping things to myself, felt like I was so full of this shit but did it. Finding every reason I could to make myself convince that it was over and she deserved better. But all that did good until yesterday. Until I met her. Until I saw her again. I thought meeting her on a sort of School reunion would not matter because I was doing good. I thought its just a meet, we can be matured ones and accept things. And yeah she was matured over there and I tried my best. We talked and words were just about to ooze out of me but I kept it into me. I could just admire her and just…just watch her. I am still sticking to my plan, of moving on. There is no back way from here, how much ever hard it may be to move forward. It is killing me, but it won’t forever. It has to be gone someday. Sleepless nights and over thinking days got to stop someday. I got to control and let time play its part. I just want to get over with this and I do not want to go back there even though I still got feelings for but, decision was made by me on terms that it would never be revised. So lets smile and keep going. Have hell of a year ahead of me to get my shit together.

The heart bubble bursts

I do not know from where to start. Its finished! I gave up or rather lets say I realised I was fighting for the wrong cause and ended up stroking myself. Well I would not say how things ended, it is quite a strong memory. I am still not quite over this but its working gradualy. It feel very weird and a very dark feeling of loneliness but like she said I was myself before I met her so I can be that today. Well lets see how well things get. I have realised quite a lot and learned tons from this part of my life. Well thank you girl for such a beautiful time. Though not quite your fan anymore but IDK. Hasta!