I came too far to give up!

Guys today is the mood I guess. There is this one girl in my life, you know kind of special and unique. We were in the same school but we never talked and me too was never like interested in her. I was one of the silent admirers in school. And then we happened to be for coaching classes too. And there we started talking and became good acquaintances. One of my best friend turns out to be liking her and he tells me, I was like ‘cool go ahead’, coz I was not interested in her. He is one of shy people, so he did not told her or asked her out. Later I and her talked, chatted and stuff. Slowly I realized that I was fucking in love with her. IDK, may be it was some psychological impact of my school mate teasing with her or what. And then I seriously was all into her. I was young and crazy and…you know still a fresher. I told her but, it was very different. I told her that it is not a proposal its just that I wanted you know this. I knew she did not had any feelings for me as such. She is one of the most beautiful, charming, fun loving and perfect girl I have ever met. The thing was me telling this to her did not changed anything. This would say about her soft nature and personality. Later we just carried on like this, chatting and meeting in regular intervals. She kind  of liked me, as a friend though but it was good enough for me since I was with her anyhow. It was living my dream kind of life. The heaven for me. But you know what, I was a motherfucking jerk. I used to lie her about my grades, used to show off things I did not had or possess. Then one day I could not have myself on this, because I was not like that. I confessed it to her. Ofcorse I was not strong enough to say her in person, so I just text-ed her whole thing. And she was like “WTF?!”. She was very very angry and annoyed. We did not talked for long. Though with a light of hope I regularly text-ed her GNs and GMs. She sometimes replied formally and other times no response. Latter being most of the time. Then even I realized that it was a mistake no one would ever forgive for. She trusted me, I know,I felt it. I broke it all! I then just gave up and stopped trying to contact her. After around 3-4 months, I texted her again, this time she replied and was in  good mood I felt. Then after I apologized and believe it or not she forgave me. This again tells about her loving and soft heart. Though scars of grudges got up now and then. And when I told her that I still crazy for her, she was like ‘move on’! But I realized, I came too far to give up now. I have been thinking of her everyday, every moment. I have missed her like my skeleton. This Jailed abroad period, I have been just thinking of ways to get her back. I was s much into her that I could not move on. Things were never the same. Then I kind of turned the wall, and we became good. Not the same! But better then the worst I have been through. Today we still chat and talk, though it was always me who initiated the chat or conversation.  And just a week or ago, I felt that its time to admit that I have lost this. I felt like it was enough, I was frustrated and mindfucked. I love the person from 3 years who does not even think about me for a second untill I  want her to. She does not any BF, just loves her friends. Well that makes me feel better, but I see the nightmare coming wen she finds someone. I talked about this to one of my Best friend. She told it is just lust, no real love because there is no correspondence. I was shocked to hear that. It did not gulp through my shallow neck. Not acceptable at all. IDK what to do from here. I always had plans and ways this far, but now I am clueless. I can’t pass a day without thinking of her. I miss those days. I admit life changes with time. The days of past can’t be lived as they are now some whim and fantasy. I do not want to let her go now, like I said I have come too far to give up. And this time, at this stage I am way too far to give up. I am restless now. This is though the dark side of my one sided love story, there are many loving and priceless moments I would share someday which makes me love her so much. Please help me here.  

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11 thoughts on “I came too far to give up!”

  1. you seem to be very much affected by her….. :/ it’s good that you decided to vent it out here….at least you’ll feel better for some time…. i wish i could help you… please try to feel better 🙂

    1. Thank you, thank you very much. Tell me about it. And you know something, it is not her mistake. It was always me alone in that relationship, so can’t blame her for all this. It was always me who did mistakes!

      1. Well, she isn’t interested in you..and you’ve been after her for 3 long years..so why don’t you try and move on. Don’t get me wrong, I understand your love for her…but isn’t love supposed to be mutual? How long are you gonna go this way? I think for the time being you should start working on other parts of your life..and who knows one day she might come to you…or you might find someone else…you’ve spent a hell lot of time for her… :/

      2. I agree. I have been trying it lately. It might work. But it really gets on my nerves sometimes. Its so very difficult. Thank you very much though, I really appreciate it.

      3. I am not just able to let it go. Cannot keep her out of my mind. Again started to chat with her and planned to meet her. IDK how to do this. Will it be good if I tell this to her….I mean this situation of mine? I know it would be so weird but….she is my best shoulder to cry upon, so why not herself even if it is…you know kind of against her. She will be so hurt, I know but….tell me…shall I take this to her?

  2. so what is it you’re gonna tell her? That how much she has affected you and taken up your time? Well please do..you might actually get to know what exactly she thinks about you…I mean whether she has any kind of feelings at all for you other than just being your friend…and also remember to be nice..you know..also tell her how much she means to you…and how serious you r abt her…she might (slightest possibility) that she might change her mind…but please, first get to know what she thinks about you…its very important….just make her speak…let her tell you how you seem to her as a person…how she feels when she hears your name..you can actually get to know a lot…please speak your hearts out..its the only way…there was a boy in school who’s had a crush on me for past 3 years…i used to spk to him just as a frnd..and believe me i had..and still have no kind of feelings towards him..and as of now i’d shoot him if i had a gun…he’s hurt me and ruined my school life so much…had he spoken to me and known what i think abt him..none of this wuld’ve happened…so please SPEAK OUT 🙂 and I hope the chat goes well 🙂 🙂

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